Giving up bad relationships for better

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Living a happy and meaningful life has always been closely related to the quality of our relationships.

Time well spent is time with our loved ones, people who matter to us.

There are times where our supposedly loved ones might treat us like dirt, though. Likewise, we unintentionally treat them like dirt at times, too.

As with everything in this world, not every relationship is good. And sometimes, leaving a bad relationship might actually be a good thing.

Bad relationships are black holes of unhappiness, resentment and hatred. They suck love out of our lives. Regardless how much love we have, all we need is one bad relationship, and our lives will seem to spiral into chaos.

How do we identify a bad relationship?

A bad relationship is one where one party has to put in all the effort to maintain the relationship while the other doesn’t bother to do anything to help.

Relationships are two-way streets. What goes around, comes around. But if one party obstructs or even blocks one side of the road, you will find yourself hitting a wall.

Conflicts are what make relationships challenging yet fulfilling if both parties can reach a mutually beneficial agreement. However, if only one party is willing to sit down and discuss how to make the relationship work, it’s almost as good as talking to a soundproof wall. The wall will just absorb everything, and status quo maintains. I suppose that’s how the saying, “talking to a wall” came about.

Imagine you’re walking on the road and suddenly you see a massive wall in front of you. It’s not necessarily a dead-end, but there’s no way you can move forward if it’s blocking your way. What do you do?

Break or make a detour

Just like a physical wall, the other party who isn’t open to negotiations won’t budge regardless what the willing party says or does. In those cases, what can we do? Smash through or find a way around it?

All relationships can be maintained and strengthened. But that doesn’t mean every relationship deserves our effort and time. Especially those relationships that drain us. Even the happiest person on earth would get affected by soured relationships.

By breaking the wall or making a detour around it, we’ll actually find people who are worthy of love. Sometimes we’re so fixated on the wall blocking us we forget there are actually actual living people who love us and want our love. In some cases, we need to use a sledgehammer and demolish the wall to see the people behind. In other cases, all we need to do is ignore the wall, walk the long way or even turn around.

We often focus on what’s stopping and blocking us from moving forward. In the process, we neglect those who have always been by our side and helping us unconditionally. We constantly try to fix problems screaming at us but forget about cherishing what’s already working well for us.

Like many aspects of life, just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should and have to do it. Some problems are better left unsolved. Relationships are the same. Walking away from a bad relationship doesn’t make us a coward. It actually takes a lot of courage to do it.

More time, effort and love for others

“The greatest power you can give anyone else is the power to make you unhappy.”

– Umair Haque.

Bad relationships infect us with negative feelings without us even knowing. That’s the scariest part. Getting into the same old conflict over the repeated problems tires any happy person out. By leaving such a mentally-draining relationship frees up our mind to focus on the people who deserve our attention.

There are certain walls we can’t break, undoubtedly. These walls are usually formed by family.

We can, of course, break those walls if we so desire. Many people have done that, but they usually end up regretting because family is after all, still family. In those cases, accepting their presence and finding ways to work around them are the more preferable modes of action.

We can’t pick the family we’re born into. But we can create the family we want to live in.

About the author

Vance Wong
Vance Wong

Brain-picker. Cinephile. Koreaboo.

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About

Vance Wong

Vance Wong

Brain-picker. Cinephile. Koreaboo.